Relationship Articles

She Said No, Now What? How to Handle the Breakup.

September 28, 2015 - Relationship Articles
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Rejection is one of the most difficult experiences to deal with. So, at WP Diamonds, we are there for you. We know it can be challenging when you put a lot of effort and thought into asking that someone special to marry you and it doesn’t go as planned. You are not alone; no one feels good about getting turned down. Moving on won’t be easy, but here are some emotional and practical steps to move forward with strength and resolution.

  1. Look at the relationship objectively.

Take a long hard look at the relationship and see whether it was good for you to begin with. Many of us don’t listen to our gut feelings about our relationships, or fear that we can’t or won’t be able to identify the “unhealthy habits” we have with our partners. When you think about your ex-partner and relationship was it full of anger and conflict? Did your partner support you during times of stress? Did she try and change who you are as a person? While you can’t change the past, you can examine the past with fresh new eyes for the future. What can you learn from the past that will help you for the future?

  1. Work through your feelings.

After a relationship ends, it’s important to have an outlet for your emotions. Ignoring your feelings of anger or sadness will only make matters worse. Remember that the relationships we invest in the most, no matter how long we were in them, are the ones that have the biggest impact on us. Also, when you still have feelings about the past, these emotions can cause all sorts of issues in the present (e.g., impact your health, sleep). Talking through your experiences with others will help you make sense of what happened. It will also allow you to identify that your feelings are completely typical. In addition, develop ways to constructively release your emotions: go to the gym, do any high-energy exercise, hang out with friends or family who love and support you, find a new hobby or interest, journal, or seek support from a counselor.

  1. Resell the ring.

Once something is purchased, a refund may not be possible. Check out the store’s policy to see what you can do. While you might want to keep the ring for the next woman in your life, I strongly suggest against that. An engagement ring is a purchase that the next special someone in your life will want unique for her. This is the perfect time to connect with WP Diamonds and resell the ring. Marriage proposal rejections are more common than you think and our experts are sensitive to your situation. And it does not matter if you are located in Phoenix or Anchorage– they can buy your engagement ring in as little as 48 hours.

  1. Reframe the situation.

You were probably surprised and shocked when she said no. You may have asked her to marry you too early in the relationship or she may just be the non-marrying type of person. You’ll never know the true reason she said no. But regardless of the “why,” instead of blaming your ex-partner (which leads to anger and frustration) or yourself (which leads to sadness and self-doubt), blame the relationship itself. In order to move on to an emotionally neutral state, use “we” statements to reassign the blame (e.g., we were really young, we were so different). Studies show that when you make these types of “we” statements, you’ll cope and adjust better over time.

  1. Take the high road.

Yes, there is such a thing as a “good” breakup, but understand, it’s not the same as a painless breakup. There are ways however to keep the breakup as positive as possible and allow both people to keep their sense of self-worth. In a good breakup, sadness over the end of the relationship doesn’t turn to bitterness. Don’t criticize or speak negatively of your ex, especially if you have friends or work colleagues in common. Take the high road and keep your critiques to yourself. You may need to avoid each other, because it’s just too hard on you. It’s good to keep some distance, and how long that lasts is up to you.

  1. Make a future plan.

It’s important for you to be able to learn from what happened with self-confidence and strength. No matter what changes you decide to make in your life, the key is to make a plan and keep with it. Researchers have found that simply making a plan for your personal goals increases the likelihood that you’ll follow through. Keep the focus on you and what is best for you individually right now. Deflect pressure from other people to define what happened or to get back out there to date again. Humor can help relieve tension among family members and close friends who are constantly pressuring you, or you can merely say “Thank you for your concern.”

Author
Bio: Dr. Terri Orbuch (aka The Love Doctor®) is an author, speaker, therapist, professor at Oakland University, and research professor at University of Michigan, Institute for Social Research. She is also the director of a landmark study, funded by the N...

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