Divorce shifts the way in which any individual lives their life. Although divorce can certainly lead to a happier future, happiness has to be something you prioritize and work towards. Instead of allowing your...
Letting Go of the Past After DivorceJune 27, 2017 - Relationship Articles
Divorce is a difficult time and it is normal to initially feel sad, angry, confused, and a range of other negative emotions. But after a certain period of time, it is important to shake these feelings off because they are only going to hold you in the past and stop you from moving forward with your life. In this article we will address how to let go and move on from a divorce.
THE FIRST STEP IS TO LET GO
- No one is going to advise you not to go through the motions of feeling anger, sadness, bitterness and wondering: what if? What if you had done things differently? What if you’ve made a mistake? It is absolutely normal to initially feel negative feelings or to be questioning the separation. But these feelings and thoughts need to end after a certain period of time, or you will never be able to let go.
- The first step to letting go is acceptance. Accept that for whatever reasons, that marriage is in the past for those reasons and that is how it was meant to be. There is no use in regretting it or romanticizing it, see it for what it was. Maybe there were good times but it turns out you wanted different things, or maybe you were just incompatible, maybe someone slipped up… either way, accept that period of your life for what it was, learn from it and don’t regret living that part of your life, because it was what you wanted at the time but not anymore.
- Do not seek revenge. Even if your ex-partner hurt you and you want vengeance, the best revenge is to move on and be happy with your life. Not only will they see that you’re in a better place without them, but you will be happier, which is the most important thing.
THE SECOND STEP IS TO MOVE ON
The only way to truly let go of the past is to move on. It’s time for a new beginning. What are the best ways to move on?
- Logistics – You are going to need to move on, on a practical level. Moving house or apartment is a major part of any separation. Will you downsize? Will you move to a different town? Maybe even a different country? Although the practical side of divorce might be stressful, see it as an opportunity to start afresh and start a new period of your life.
- Sell your jewelry – Divorce can have a significant impact on your finances (see here for more on surviving financially after divorce). You might want to sell your engagement ring or sell jewelry from your married life. Not only will this help eliminate any reminders of your married life and help you move on, but you can use the cash to help with finances, to treat yourself, to go on vacation or even to upgrade your jewelry.
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- Get into a new routine – The expression “every cloud has a silver lining” exists for a reason. Now is the time to embrace a new routine and include hobbies and activities that are important to you. Maybe you’ve always loved painting but never made time for it or maybe you’ve always wanted to try hot yoga? Use this time to create a new routine and do the things you love or have always wanted to do.
- Be open to dating again, eventually – Whenever you feel ready to start dating again, be open to the idea of being in relationship again. In this digital age, there are so many new ways to meet people, and if you are not keen on trying a dating app, join a social group. Just be open to meeting new people because you never know who might be around the corner. Do be sure however to take this at your own pace and don’t rush back into dating until you are ready.