Many WP Diamonds clients are experiencing life transitions, like divorce. These transitions can be challenging and difficult, and the changes involved can even feel like an emotional roller coaster. One major ...
Where to Get Help During and After DivorceNovember 19, 2015 - Relationship Articles
You are not alone as you navigate the process of divorce. These resources will provide support, answers to your questions, and information to make the best decisions possible for you and your children.
At WP Diamonds, we understand that you may not know or understand what kinds of community resources are available to you as you enter this new phase of your life. We want to help you with that process. Below, you will find important resources to make the transition smoother for you and your children. Although there is an implied order of importance to the listed resources below, all are vital to helping you survive and thrive during and post divorce.
Where to get help during and after divorce:
1. Find a Good Family Lawyer
Every state has different requirements in terms of how to complete a divorce. You want to find a divorce lawyer who limits his or her practice to family law and is an expert on related matters. Also, when you select an attorney, make sure he or she has your best interests at heart, and you feel comfortable with him or her.
Ask questions and talk to at least two lawyers before you make a final decision. Don’t hesitate to check an attorney’s credentials at: American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and The International Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
Although most people think all divorces end up in court, there are alternative ways to resolve divorce cases. One method is “mediation” in which a mediator (neutral third party specifically trained to work in divorce cases) facilitates face to face negotiations between divorcing spouses and helps them work out mutual agreements. In a “collaborative divorce,” each spouse hires a collaborative attorney, and all parties agree to resolve the case without going to court. A team of professionals is assembled to assist in the decision-making process.
2. Select a Good Counselor or Therapist
It also is important to find a health care professional you can talk to. This can be a religious advisor, counselor, therapist, physician, psychologist, or a practitioner at your county mental health agency. By harboring bad feelings about the divorce or former relationship and not letting go of the past, you’ll bottle up your emotions and increase your chances of becoming physically ill.
My research also shows that negative emotions are like a giant magnet, pulling and attracting even more negativity into your life. A good therapist or health care professional can help you process the divorce, work through the past, and manage your emotions. It’s essential to work through your feelings and learn effective ways to cope with the changes during the transition.
Ask your friends for good recommendations. Check out agencies that list accredited therapists, such as American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists or Psychology Today.
Again, I encourage you to interview at least two therapists before you make a final decision. Good therapists don’t mind being asked questions, such as:
- What approach they take to working with clients?
- What degree they hold and when and where did they get the degree?
- How many clients they see each week?
3. Consult Financial Advisors
Whens separated or divorced, the financial assets, debts and property also need to get divided. One piece of advice I always tell my clients is to be sure to make copies of important financial documents as soon as you decide to file for divorce. Find a certified divorce financial expert or financial planner to help with your personal finances in the short and in the long term.
Also, take a complete inventory and document all of the property the two of you own together. My research shows that even after a marriage ends, money issues tend to stick around: 49% of those who divorce worry often about financial issues, standard of living and challenges from the former marriage. There is also the issue of child support, credit card debt, tax bills, health insurance and divorce settlements.
During and after divorce, it can be extremely beneficial to consult a financial advisor, a nonprofit credit counselor, or an accountant as you manage the process of dividing assets, debts and property.
You might also upgrade or sell your jewelry at WP Diamonds to help you with the costs of your divorce. It can also help you let go of emotional triggers that connect you to your former marriage. You can use the money you obtain from selling your jewelry to also finance some new beginnings in your life.
4. Reach Out to Friends and Family
As you experience divorce, be sure to also talk to friends and other family members about the resources they’ve used in the past. You’ll be surprised at how many of your friends have reached out to community resources and support groups to get the help they need. Whether it be because of divorce or other challenging transitions in their lives.
Friends and family can also help you relax, go out, and meet new people. It’s vital to surround yourself with people who love and support you. You definitely want to remember that you are a fantastic person.
5. Turn to Good Books/Internet
It also can be very beneficial to read good books and articles about how to survive and thrive during and after divorce. These reading materials are valuable because they are typically written by experts in the field or by people who have experienced the same or a similar transition.
In my opinion, here is a list of some good books to read:
- “The Smart Divorce” by Deborah Moskovitz
- “The Truth About Children and Divorce” by Robert Emery
- “The Divorce Remedy” by Michele Weiner Davis
- “Divorce Demystified” by Henry Gornbein
- “Winning Your High-Conflict Divorce” by R. Shelly Loomus
- “He’s History, You’re Not” by Erica Manfred
- My book: “Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship”