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Clearing Out The Pieces Of Your Past, Old Jewelry And Memories, When You DivorceMay 8, 2015 - Relationship Articles
By Dr. Jane Greer, WP Diamond’s Relationship Expert.
New York based marriage therapist, relationship expect and author How Could You Do This to Me? Learning to Trust After Betrayal
Divorce is the end result of what oftentimes is a long road of unhappiness, anger, and disappointment. Presumably, you or your spouse made the choice to separate because you weren’t getting along. Either one or both of you may have felt unappreciated, not listened to, that your needs weren’t being met, or maybe there was infidelity. No matter how you got here, it is hard not to struggle with the resentment which can live on, as well as blame, both of your partner and yourself, for the marriage not succeeding.
The bottom line: getting divorced is not easy. Moving on can present another challenge. Your hopes and dreams being dashed can leave you reeling and feeling like you have lost out on everything across the board. From losing touch with friends and family members to the possible loss of where you are currently living, holding on to feeling good about yourself can be daunting. That’s because one of the biggest losses you are going through is one of identity. You are going from being part of a couple and the “we,” to being solo on your own as a “me.”
It can be a Molotov cocktail of emotions: insecurity, self-blame, and self-doubt that you made a bad marriage choice in the beginning, or that you stayed too long, and how can you trust yourself to make a good decision in the future. All of this can lead to a loss of self-esteem as well. The good news is that as hard as it is there is also relief that you are free from the unhappiness and stress you were living in, and can now start to shape your new identity going forward.
One of the blocks that can get in your way of moving on is holding on to your anger. It is hard for everyone to let go of it. A good way to do this, however, is to physically let go of the things that remind you of bad times, and your jewelry box can be a good starting point. The new you can literally start to think outside the box, and experiment to discover your own style, including jewelry and clothing, as well as entertainment and travel. Rather than holding on to certain items for sentimentality, which can keep you stuck in the negative feelings attached to them, now is the chance to rid yourself of the pieces you never would have chosen, or didn’t like to start with, and replace them with something that is exactly what you want. While this is a smaller decision than some of the big ones you’ve been facing, it can become an opportunity to build up your confidence in knowing that you can define who you are through your self-expression, secure for yourself what you desire, and begin to trust your own judgment again. You no longer need your spouse’s approval. With this new exercising of personal freedom comes a fresh start that will raise your self-esteem and help you feel good about yourself.
A simple start to ringing in your new independence can be in selling or trading in that wedding or engagement ring you are no longer wearing to transform it into something you will wear. Putting your old engagement ring, steeped in memories of a broken relationship, towards building the new you is a positive step in the right direction. Choosing an item that can symbolize a new start helps with the healing process. Selling old and buying new jewelry is just one of the many places you can begin to shed your past and start to forge your new future.